The truth is I have struggled, really deep down struggled. Those who know me best know that the times I am the quietest are the most dangerous. I have been quiet...nearly silent. I have struggled with the what-if's. Those pesky questions from the god of what-if's that suffocate all the promises of my Savior. They have broken the barrier and been shouting into my ear.
What if my agency blew it and we can't get our dossier out in time?
What if China rejects our petition at the last minute?
What if I find out I'm pregnant? (funny, because that's impossible)
What if tragedy strikes and we can't complete the adoption?
What if Jiang dies before we get him?
What if Jiang dies when we get him home?
What if he dies after we have him home and have loved him for years and heartache is that much worse?
You get the picture.
So I went for a jog. I went to have it out with my God. I went before His throne.
Two songs came on the radio:
I don't believe in coincedence. I believe in providence. They were providential. They provoked my heart. They squeezed the truth out of my lips.
I cried to the Lord. I shouted to the Lord my God. I prayed for my son. I prayed for all the what if's.
My Savior is truly mighty to save. His hand is not short and his love is everlasting. He has conquered the grave. He is glorious in His wonder. He will move these mountains. He will save this one. He will save my son. With all that is in me I will come before His throne and ask for His mercy to extend to my son. I will kneel at His throne and ask. I will stand boldly before His throne and say to Him, "This one, Father. Mark this one for Your Glory. For the sake of all Your followers that are asking, You will mark this one. You will set Your seal of salvation on him. You will shatter the darkness. He will know the love of You. I will shout it to the heavens. This one, Jiang Hurst, is untouchable. He is marked for the glory of the heavens. He will sit in the high places and he will sing. Hear it now, He will sing the praises of his Savior. Jesus, You will move this mountain."
To the god of what-if's, "You cannot have him. He no longer belongs to you. My Savior is calling his name. He is claiming this one. You. cannot. have. him. Jesus Christ has heard his cries in the night. Jesus Christ has marked him for His kingdom. God has heard. He has answered. He is redeeming Jiang Hurst. You cannot have him. The blood of the Lamb is sealing him. He. belongs. to. Christ. "
I refuse the what-if's. I claim the promises.