Honor

Simon is adorable, and a handful. We absolutely adore him.

Life is really hard and really awesome all at the same time.

When people ask how we are doing I'm not sure how to answer. The truth is complicated. We are doing well. We have all fallen in love with Simon. His brothers and sister adore him and so do we. He is doing well too. But I would say my version of "doing well" and yours may not be the same. For instance, Simon now tattles nonstop, non.stop. BUT this is "doing well." It means he is learning that someone will fight for him and that he does not need to fight for himself. Which believe me is a very good thing indeed.

It's an exhausting kind of growth we are going through. We are being changed and transformed individually and as a family. Change is never easy. It's hard and painful, but necessary. We are in the middle of the furnace of redemption, but we are not alone. God is surrounding us with His love. 

Am I tired? You betcha. 

Do I handle every day well? Um, no.  

Do I love every minute? No, no I do not. Some minutes are dreadful, truly dreadful.

There are some things I can't do yet. I can't go on playdates. Heck, I can't go on real dates. 

Real dates, the kind where your husband is gazing into your eyes OR snoring loudly next to you in the theater, they are just not in our realm of possibility right now. Hopefully soon they will be. 

Because, guys, this face owns my heart.

I cannot plan activites. I often can't head out to friends houses or girls nights out. My life is different right now and that's okay.

It's okay, truly. I don't resent it. Right now I have a little boy who needs me desperately. He needs to know that I will never leave him, that mommy and daddy are here for good. He needs to know that he can trust my decisions for him. 

It is tiring, but right now I am honored to walk beside him on this road.