Update

I know it has been a while since I have updated all of you. It's been a very busy summer to say the least. 

I'll update you first on Simon's health. He is doing okay. I say okay because it hasn't been terrible, but it hasn't been great either. Simon remains a mystery when it comes to transfusing him. He is not predictable in the least to be able to estimate when he needs another transfusion. I'm hoping that over time it will become more predictable. It's just nice to have a schedule to stick to and plan things. He is transfused anywhere from three weeks to five weeks right now. His liver is more loaded with iron than we had hoped and we are increasing his medication to reverse that damage. The good news is that it is reversible. The bad news is that the medication itself is dangerous. Please, continue to pray for wisdom in these areas.

Now, how have we been adjusting as a family? Well, it's hard, really hard. Most days are a struggle. Please know that we love, love, love this boy, but I am faced daily with the truth that he has been raised not by loving hands in the setting of a family, but in an institution that did not have the manpower to teach my little man how to live in a family.

There are lots of areas to grow. Sometimes I watch him and think, "what in the world?" And then I remember. I remember He had no teacher. He had no mother teaching him not to lick his plate after dinner...or his hand and arms. He had no mother telling him not to use her shirt to clean out his ears. Seriously. Things that I take for granted as basic social skills are not so basic when nobody has been teaching them to you. If I'm really honest with you I would have to tell you that most days it drives me bonkers. BONKERS.

He also had no father to teach him how to handle arguments with words not fists. He happens to be excellent with his fists, or legs, or fingernails. His survival skills are topnotch. Survival is natural and it served him well before he came into a family. But now he is here in our family and that transition is, well, still a transition.

Mostly, I've learned how desperately I need my Savior. Days are exhausting, nights aren't long enough and I can dig as deep as my heart will let me but it will still not be enough. I wake up tired and I crawl into bed at night.

I've learned that I have no concept of mercy. Mercy that chooses not to give punishment that is deserved. Mercy that beckons me to my Savior's arms at the end of another failed day. Mercy that whispers my name and tells me to wrap my arms around a boy that hurts those around him. Mercy that tells me to withdraw from the fight. Mercy that gives and never takes.

But at the end of the day I cling to those words written long ago, "I trust in the name of the Lord my God." He has planned this path for us and He is teaching us to be more like His son. 

And I know that in the end you will find us standing upright. Because the strength of my God will uphold us.

You will find a young boy slipping in between his sister and brothers and loving on them. You will see him rising up with the strength of the God of his father.

You will find us laid out on this altar of life. You will find mercy.

Psalm 20

May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!
    May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
    and give you support from Zion!
3 May he remember all your offerings
    and regard with favor your burnt sacrifices! Selah

4 May he grant you your heart's desire
    and fulfill all your plans!
5 May we shout for joy over your salvation,
    and in the name of our God set up our banners!
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!

6 Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
    he will answer him from his holy heaven
    with the saving might of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
8 They collapse and fall,
    but we rise and stand upright.