Real life

The real life part of adoption is hard, hard work and we are in the thick of it. Simon is home and adjusting. Adjusting would be the key word in that sentence. He can throw a heck of a tantrum. Getting comfort from another person is a completely foreign concept to him so holding him and trying to calm him down does very little good. But we just stay the course. Someday it will click. At some point he will realize that our arms are loving and kind and he will discover that they are comforting. So, we hold him and rock him and sing to him for hours on end.

Yesterday he threw a tantrum to end all tantrums at naptime. He was screaming in my face and punching his bed and throwing the blankets and the pillow. Then he would calm down to where I could safely hold him and I would rock him and sing to him and lay him down and it would start all over again. Around and around we went. I prayed for grace and understanding. I sat with him in the middle of his bed while he was angrier than I could have imagined for one so small and I talked to him. I told him that I get it. I do. He's furious. I would be too. He's been ripped from everything he knows and stuck with this crazy American woman who can't even cook a Chinese noodle properly!! He's gone from never answering to anyone to being surrounded by safety and controls. Everything he has ever known has just changed. It's for the better, but he doesn't know that yet.

It reminds me so much of my relationship with my Heavenly Father. How many times has He set me on a course that was for my own benefit and all I could see were my own fears? How many times have I railed at Him and tried to run away and all the while He was singing His love over me? I try to cling to these memories while I love on my Simon. And I pray for grace, lots and lots of grace.