Tuesday, June 19, 2012

His first momma

Jiang's first momma has been on my mind so much lately. I wish I could meet her and ask her so many questions. What went through her mind? Who is she? Did her heart grieve when she knew she couldn't keep him? Was her goodbye kiss salted by her own tears? Did he scream for her when she left?

She had him for over a year before leaving him all alone in a McDonald's. I know she knew that was a place where he would be found, but he didn't know that. He thought they were going for a treat. Maybe they had ice cream first. Maybe she wanted to see him eat his first ice cream cone and drip with the sweetness and smiles they always bring. Maybe she wanted her last memory of him to be a happy one.

I am so thankful to be his new mommy, but the truth is I wish she had kept him. I wish he never knew the pain of being abandoned by someone he loved. I wish a thousand things for him for his future, but if I had one wish above all it would be that he could have stayed with her.

I know the stigma of unhealthy children in China is more than likely what drove her to leave him. They would have found his diagnosis right around the time that she left him. What did her heart feel when the doctors told her he had thalassemia? Did she cry in his office or wait until she got home to break down? Did her heart know in that instant that she couldn't keep him? Did her family pressure her into giving him up? Did he have a daddy that grieved the loss of his son? Did she keep him for a few weeks hoping that he would somehow be okay and be able to stay with her? Did she put on her favorite outfit for him and rock him one last time that morning?

While I know she will never read this I'd like to somehow send this out and pray that she knows that I will love him. I wish she could know that he has found a family to take care of him. I wish that she could know that I will teach him of her the best that I can. I will teach him forgiveness and love. Together we will love her and pray for her. We will pray that God will heal her broken heart and breathe His peace into her soul. We will pray that God whispers into her heart that her baby is safe and alive and so incredibly loved. Somewhere in the darkness of her pain I hope that God's gives her the light of His hope.

Father God, mark this mother for Your Glory. May she be redeemed. May she somehow hear of Your great love and know the goodness of Your grace and forgiveness. In Your loving kindness can You speak to her of her son's redemption? Bind her broken heart and give her comfort. Tell her that I love him. Above all mark her for Your Glory, place Your seal of salvation on her soul. Save her, Dear Father, save and love her. I ask all this in the name of Your Great Son, Jesus Christ. 


  1. Just found your blog through pinterest. Love this post! We are hoping to start the adoption process in a few months (trying to save up some $ first). The last few nights I have thought a lot about our child and his or her first mother. Praying for her.

  2. I am crying reading this post. I can't even fathom the pain his mother must have gone through to walk away from her baby boy like that, but I am so thankful that you are answering God's call to be his family. We too are adopting a special needs child from China, though our little girl was abandoned at a very young age so it is unlikely that her special needs were known yet. I still can't imagine the pain that these women go through when they have to put their baby down and walk away. I don't think I could do it - but then again I have never been in a place where I have to decide between keeping my child and knowing that will cause them to die because I can't provide for their care and giving them up in the hope that someone will take care of them. We live in such a broken world. I pray that one day your little guy's mother will come to know Christ and that somehow she will be able to know that her little guy is loved and cherished. God bless you as you walk this faith journey.

  3. I have thought about this often myself in regards to our little guy. Nicely articulated...