Monday, March 4, 2013

The Torture of the TA wait

I've questioned posting this one. I don't want to sound whiny or weak. But I want others to have a real picture of this adoption journey. So...

This wait for the Travel Approval (TA) is torture.

There is a blanket sitting and waiting for my Simon. I've heard that some moms sleep with them each night. I can't do it.

There is a teddy bear that is stuffed in Simon's orange backpack. I can't even look at it.

There is a pile of clothes that belong to Simon that I can't bring myself to wash.

I am so close and yet so far away. My son is waiting on the other side of the world. And as far as I know he has no idea that I am coming yet.

He is waking up right now and going through another routine day and has no idea that his mama and baba have been climbing every mountain in their path and running this unending race to get to him.

He will go to bed tonight without praying with me, without even knowing there is a God who has been watching him all this time.

He had another transfusion and I rejoice in that. I do. It is keeping his heart beating until I get there. But I missed it. I missed ANOTHER trip to the hospital. I missed another needle poking.

I want to be there and hold him. I want to whisper in his ear that it's okay. I want him here in our hospital with nurses that will spoil him silly.

I want to be done. The urge to hop on the next outgoing plane is almost unbearable.

So, if I seem distant or loopy please forgive me. I have a one track mind right now, to get on that plane and gather my son in my arms and cry my eyes out knowing that this is finally over and that he is fully mine.

I'm not afraid. I'm not discouraged. I'm excited, but at the same time I'm done with this waiting. This waiting nonsense is for the birds.

There you have it. Truth. The ache of this wait.


  1. Beautifully Written. I can't wait to hear of the stories you will hopefully share of your journey once your little one is home. My heart is exicted for you and wanting those papers to come so you can go gather him up and love him to pieces.

  2. Praying with you for him...and praying for you. And looking forward to hearing about when God finally allows you to at last have him in your arms!

  3. Gracious that was beautiful. Yay for transfusion!!! Boo for no TA. Yay that it's coming soon!! Yay that we know HE's got this!! Yay that we will probably meet in China!! Yay that I am not out of my coconut coffee creamer this morning!! Oh.....sorry.....I got carried away. Praying that today is THE day sweet friend!!

  4. :) and in the waiting, Love grows....

  5. Oh Katie...I am praying hard for that TA. I can't wait to see a picture of you with your Simon! Believe me, I understand this torture. I hate this part! Hugs!

  6. I was gonna comment when you wrote this originally and I forgot. But yeah. What you said. All of it. NOT just the TA wait :)